I Would Kill You
by Claire Napier
Summary: BatmanxJoker The Joker is hurt and Batman has no choice but to take him in. Why is he putting his life at risk for a man who has only caused pain? “Get your trench coat and toss me the red lipstick baby, let’s do our scene.” STILL BEING UPDATED.
1. Sing Me To Sleep

_Here's my full fledged story! The beginning sounds kind of clunky but it gets smoother as the story progresses. I'm no good at starting a story. Enjoy!_

_-Claire Napier_

_**Warning**: If boy on boy-ness bothers you, leave now. Thank You._

* * *

Another day, another anonymous note made of magazine clippings. Batman was fairly used to this, so he didn't expect too much. A robbery, _maybe_ a kidnaping, but most of the common criminals in Gotham weren't gutsy enough to pull it off. The whole protecting-the-city thing was becoming monotonous in his opinion.

There hadn't been any activity from the real criminals for quite some time. Last time he checked, they were all safely in straitjackets at Arkham.

Poison Ivy, The Scarecrow, Two Face, Harley Quinn...The Joker.

Sighing, Batman got out of the Batmobile and looked again at the note:

_ Meet me on the roof of the Aquarium. Important._

It was vague, but he was obligated to look into it anyway. He walked into the deserted aquarium casually, but on his guard. Criminals were crazy after all.

The aquarium was dark inside, the moon provided just barely light enough to see. The glass cages were cleared of fish and there definitely was no shark anymore. The glass to the shark tank was still broken and he could see shards of it on the floor. It felt as if the place had been frozen in time.

While he was walking, he felt a sudden chill. Upon looking up he saw the large hole in the roof that the Joker had made last time he was here. Batman laughed a little.

That was a long time ago, but he remembered it clear as day.

He glanced towards the end of the hall to find the stairs. From experience, he knew that it would take some time to climb the stairs. Opting for the quicker way, he fired his grappling hook and pulled himself through the hole. He landed on the roof and looked around. At first he saw nothing, but then he caught sight of a purple suit.

The Joker was standing on the very edge of the roof, overlooking the dark ocean. Batman was surprised. The note seemed very unlike The Joker. It was more Riddler-like than anything. He was beginning to suspect something.

He took a step forward and heard gravel crunch underneath his shoe.

The Joker spun around and grinned at him.

"Batsy!-..."

Before the Joker could finish his sentence, his face went suddenly blank. His body went slack and his eyes fluttered shut. Everything happened quickly after that. The Joker had blacked out completely, resulting in him falling over the edge. Batman hesitated for a split second before he finally dove in after the Joker.

As he was falling he tried to convince himself why he was saving his arch enemy. He was dropping rapidly towards a pitch black ocean with god-knows-what lurking beneath, all for a man that did nothing but make his life complicated. Batman finally convinced himself that it was only because he didn't want blood on his hands. It was a flimsy excuse, but it worked at that moment.

Batman gasped as his body was submerged in the icy water. He scrambled to the surface as quickly as he could, so as not to lose sight of the Joker. Waves slammed against his head and neck, shoving him under again and again. He looked around as best as he could and soon found the Joker floating on waves nearby. A strange relief swept over Batman as he slowly swam over.

The relief quickly dissolved when he saw the Joker's body start to sink beneath the waves. Batman's body was starting to ache with cold and it was becoming harder and harder to take a breath, but he dove under to grab the Joker's arm. The extra weight caused him to struggle to the surface. His lungs felt as though they were about to explode before he finally broke the surface. He swam for what seemed like hours against the harshness of the current. Finally they got close enough to land that the waves began pushing them towards it. Wheezing, he drug them both to the dirty shore and collapsed on the sand.

As much as he wanted to rest, he knew that he couldn't shut his eyes. He needed to get himself to the Batcave as soon as possible. When he stood up he noticed something odd about the Joker. His right leg was bent at a very unnatural angle. Never a good sign. It would be wrong to leave him here. Wouldn't it?

Against his better judgement, Batman decided to take the Joker to the Batcave to recover. His brain was waterlogged and groggy, making this thought the only one that seemed to make sense. The way he saw it, he had no choice.

Summoning up his last ounces of strength, he picked up the Joker and journeyed slowly to the Batmobile. He set the Joker in the passenger seat and drove along the quiet roads to Wayne Manor. Before he drove all the way there, he made sure that the Joker was unconscious. He may have been exhausted, but he knew what was at stake. He was risking everything for this man.

Batman parked and hobbled into the Batcave, the Joker hung precariously over his shoulder. Startled by the noise, Alfred Pennyworth caught sight of them and rushed over. Batman was breathing heavily as he gently laid the Joker on the floor. He looked weakly at Alfred with an almost sad look in his eyes and dropped like a dead weight to the ground.

"Sir!"

Alfred moved to help Bruce, but stopped when he saw the Joker. He was confused to say the least, but he was required to attend to Bruce's guests.

He worked as quickly as possible, attending to Bruce first. Bruce was extremely cold and his body was in shock. He kept muttering something about falling into the ocean. Easy enough to fix. It didn't take a scholar to figure it out.

Then there was the Joker. That was a bit more complicated. He had a broken leg and he was barely breathing. To Alfred, it looked as though there had been medical problems even before the incident. Just being cold wouldn't cause all of his problems. He wasn't sure what exactly was wrong with him yet, but he intended to figure it out. No matter who it was, Alfred wasn't about to leave someone high and dry.

After making sure both of them were comfortable (and far away from each other) he left. For a moment he paused. Leaving Bruce's worst enemy alone in the Batcave perhaps wasn't the best idea. But then he remembered the broken leg. It would be rather difficult for him to do anything. He would just have to remember to tell Bruce to wear the Batsuit when he was in the Batcave. Tedious, but necessary. And the Joker just wouldn't be allowed to leave. He would have to be watched almost constantly.

Alfred sighed.

He would leave that job for Bruce.

.CN.

"Wait! No-OW!"

The Joker sat up and clung tightly to his leg. Fire was shooting up and down his shin and he couldn't get it to stop. Blinded with pain, he tried to look around and figure out where he was. That's when he caught sight of the Batsuit, lit up under a spotlight.

"Ooh _very _subtle. Odd dream I'm having though..."

The Joker tried to stretch his leg only to be met with more pain. He winced and laughed to himself.

"Maybe not a dream. So, Batman's hideout? Heh."

He attempted to get up, but his leg prevented that from happening.

"Aaaaah!"

The Joker laid back down,grumbling to himself. How ridiculous. He was in Batman's Batcave and he couldn't even wreak havoc on it! Not funny at all.

"Nice try."

The Joker smiled and sat up. It was almost pitch black, but his eyes had adjusted enough for him to see a brooding figure in the corner.

"Hey, it's the best I can do with an apparently busted leg. So tell me dearest, why am I here? Not that I'm complaining, but this seems a little careless for you."

No answer came.

"Eh-hem. I said, why am I here?"

"You fell off a roof...broke your leg. I couldn't just leave you there...no matter how much you deserved it."

The Joker let out an uneasy laugh before continuing.

"Hee hee. Aww honeycakes, I'm touched! But you're smarter than this. Arkham always has a room for me. Why bring me here? You brought your _archenemy_ to your _secret_ hideout? Poor form, Batman. I'll have to deduct points."

There was silence for a moment while Batman gathered his excuse together.

"I couldn't think. I was cold and wet..."

"Ooh naughty."

A loud laugh echoed through the cave.

"I don't need to explain to you," Batman hissed.

The Joker heard a _swoosh_, then it was quiet again. He knew Batman was still there, but he liked the fact that he was trying to fool him.

"Trying to cheat a cheater...you make me smile."

Batman growled to himself and walked out the door, slamming it. Alfred was waiting outside. They both stood just looking at the ground for a while, not knowing how to justify the Joker being on the other side of the door.

"What are you doing, sir." It was more of a demand than a question.

"I don't know," Batman replied.

Alfred walked past him without another word.

Batman leaned against the wall and slid down to the floor. He had to be careful with this. One wrong move and his entire world would crumble. He coughed and groaned.

His throat was burning, the taste of salt water lingering in his mouth. He brought his hand up to his throat and tried to rub it, but he couldn't through the mask and cowl. Another discomfort he would have to suffer while in the suit.

"Hmm mmm hmm...fly me to the moon, let me plaaay among the stars...let me see what spring is like on...a-Jupiter and Mars..."

A voice seemed to be coming from the Batcave. Batman looked at the door and leaned his ear against it.

"In other words...hooold my hand...in other words...baby, kiss meee..."

The Joker was singing. He was singing...in the Batcave. And Batman thought he'd seen it all. Sitting there listening seemed wrong to him. Yet, he didn't move.

"Fill my heart with song and let me siiing for-ever more. You are all I long for...all I worship and adore...in other words...pleeease be true...in other words...I love you."

Instead, he listened to the rest of the verses. Then the reprise. Then the encore. He couldn't bring himself to move. He was almost asleep when he heard the Joker's sing song voice very close to his ear.

"Goodniiight Batman."

Batman jumped and felt the panic take over. He swung open the door and ran through, prepared to fight. But he found he didn't have to. The Joker was lying on a makeshift bed with his eyes closed. Scared beyond belief, Batman shut the door and barricaded it with as much furniture as he could. Batman sat against it and closed his eyes. The Joker's whispery voice haunted him long into the night.

* * *

_Yay! Hope you liked it. Please do leave a review if you feel so inclined. If not, then I hope you got something out of it. Next part soon!_

_Love, Claire Napier_

_P.S. The song the Joker is singing is called "Fly Me To The Moon" by Frank Sinatra. Classic._


	2. Hit Me

_Quick note: The Joker is random. We all know this, so don't be alarmed if he excitedly gets off onto a totally strange subject. He's in a very strange state of mind during all of this and I promise it will be explained later._

_Enjoy the chapter!_

_Love,_

_Claire Napier_

_This chapter is dedicated to Heath Ledger, who died far too soon. R.I.P. Joker._

* * *

The sound of Alfred cleaning woke Bruce the next morning. He could still hear the Joker's words in his ear despite his efforts to silence them. Those words were even in his dreams. He decided straight away not to think about it, however, and got up from the ground. His neck hurt only a bit as he stood up, then when he took a step aches and pains hit him like a ton of bricks. He had never slept in the Batsuit before and now he knew why.

Sighing, he looked at the large pile of furniture and proceeded to put it all back in its place. He couldn't help but laugh at himself. Being scared of something that was behind a locked door. It was unlike him. Just as he put the last chair back, he heard footsteps behind him.

"Good morning...um."

Alfred looked Bruce up and down with a strange expression on his face.

"Don't ask."

"Wasn't going to, sir."

Bruce smiled and took off his mask. The cold air felt good on his face.

"Where are you off to?" Bruce asked, running his fingers through his hair.

"I have to tend to our guest."

A hot feeling surged through Bruce's entire body. All of a sudden, he couldn't move a muscle. He couldn't even form coherent sentences.

"Ah. Forgot."

Alfred looked as if he were about to comment, but the phone beat him to the punch. After a few rings he finally regained mobility. Bruce held up a finger and picked up the phone.

"Yes?...uh-huh...on my way now," He hung up the phone and looked at his butler, "I'm needed downtown. Can you...?"

"Sir."

"Yes, Alfred I know you're perfectly fine on your own. It's him I'm worried about."

With that, Bruce ran up the stairs to change.

Alfred sighed and picked up the tray he had set on the table. He was a little unnerved as well, but he couldn't let Bruce know that. He had enough on his plate as it was.

After knocking, he pulled open the door and stepped through.

"Good morning. Sleep well, sir?"

The Joker's laugh echoed loudly and a tray full of dishes could be heard clattering to the ground.

"Ha! I don't sleep. But as far as my experience went, you have one of the most amazing ceilings to stare at. Never the same spot twice."

Alfred just nodded and bent down to pick up the scattered plates. This wasn't going to be as easy as he thought.

"So tell me. Where has our dear Batsy run off to?" The Joker asked, looking around at the walls.

"Master Br-..."

Alfred quickly stopped himself. The Joker turned suddenly to Alfred and smiled.

"What was that now?"

"Batman will be back later. Much later today."

"That's wonderful and all, but what were you saying just now?"

The Joker and Alfred just looked at each other for a moment. Alfred didn't know quite what to say. He figured the best choice was to ignore that it had ever happened.

"Actually sir, if you don't mind, I'd like to ask you about something,"

Being polite to this man felt strange to Alfred. He had caused so much turmoil in Bruce's life, yet he was sitting right there in the Batcave. But unless Bruce told him otherwise, he would have to be civil with the Joker. And besides, Alfred was curious.

"Shoot."

"Is there anything wrong with you? Medically speaking of course."

"Aren't you a butler? Awfully straightforward of you to ask. No manners! But, I'll answer anyway. I am fit as a fiddle, doc!"

Lies. Alfred knew it. Just look at who he lived with. He could spot a lie from fifty miles away.

"Just checking sir. Do you need anything?"

"Ah, world peace. And some water while you're at it."

The Joker was left alone in the Batcave, laughing at his own joke.

.C.N.

Bruce returned later that evening, tired and irritated. All day long he couldn't pay attention to anything anybody was saying. The current situation back at Wayne Manor was occupying his thoughts both in and out of the suit.

Alfred was waiting in the foyer when he stepped through the door.

"How was he Al?"

"Just peachy, sir."

"That great, huh?"

"He's been asking for you all day. I would go in there and see what he wants if I were you, sir."

Bruce sighed and put on the Batsuit. Alfred watched him go through the door to the Batcave and immediately heard the Joker squeal loudly.

"Batsy!"

Alfred shook his head and walked to his room. Unbeknownst to Bruce, he had been running some tests on the Joker. While living with the great detective Batman, Alfred had picked up a few things concerning science. It was coming in handy now as he was looking at the tests he had run on the Joker's blood. Some things just weren't meshing. He had a feeling that something was up, but he couldn't be too sure. He wasn't that good. Sending it to a professional would clear things up.

He gathered his test materials and packed them in a box that was to be sent off the next day. Alfred estimated that they would know in about two weeks. Subconsciously he wondered when he was going to tell Bruce that something was wrong with the Joker.

.C.N.

"Batsy!"

Batman shut the door and pulled a chair up to the Joker's bed.

"On the night you fell, what were you going to tell me?" He asked.

"What you're not going to ask me how my day was? Well it was particularly boring. Where did you go anyway?"

"Business."

"Oh I see. But I imagine that you don't go out onto the streets dressed up as a flying rat do you? You know your butler let something slip today, dear. Who are you underneath the mask?"

Batman froze and looked at the Joker. The Joker was looking right back at him, a slight smile in his eyes. He had just thrown Batman a curve ball and he knew it.

_What does he know about me?_

He silently panicked. Did the Joker know who he was? No, not possible. Or was it?

"Aw, hit a nerve there, did I?" The Joker asked playfully.

The air in the Batcave grew colder as the two looked at each other.

"What are you trying to pull?"

"Oh if only you knew."

Before Batman could say anything back, the Joker was up and in his face. Batman jumped and gasped, causing the chair to tip backwards. As a result, the ground connected with the back of his head with a loud _crack_, knocking the breath out of him. A laugh rang in his ears as he lay stunned on the floor. Things were going in and out of focus and he was rapidly losing consciousness.

The Joker's face loomed above his own, his hands hovering near the edge of Batman's mask.

"I could end you right now."

Batman knew it was true. He was so naive. Thinking the Joker would magically stop being a criminal while he was there. He had taken too big of a chance and now it was coming back around to get him.

The Joker leaned forward and opened his mouth slightly. Batman could feel his breath against his lips. Every time the Joker exhaled, a tingle shot down Batman's spine.

"What...are you doing...?" Batman breathed.

No answer was given. Neither of them moved at all, each aware of the other. All the while, Batman was fighting to stay awake. The blow to his head, however, was making it difficult. And the fact that the Joker was on top of him was not making it any easier. His body was receiving too much stimulation from too many places.

The Joker smiled as he watched Batman's eyes open and close. It wouldn't take much to make him lose it. He bit his bottom lip and held the side of Batman's face.

"Hit me," The Joker whispered.

Batman couldn't hold on anymore. The Joker's smiling face went slowly out of focus before everything went blank.

When Batman opened his eyes again, it was pitch black. He was still on the floor of the Batcave and he could see the chair lying near him. His hands flew up to his face in panic, but he found his mask was still there. Despite him completely fainting, the Joker had left his mask untouched. Something was definitely up.

With some difficulty he stood up and glanced at the Joker's bed. He was lying in it, asleep. Batman smiled, then shook his head. Obviously the injury to his head was making him loony. Yes, that's it. He looked once again at the Joker's sleeping body and fought the urge to grin. This was all too strange to be happening.

_Maybe it was a dream._

But his throbbing head was telling him otherwise.

He flung the door open and trudged up the stairs to his room. The Batsuit was left in a heap on the floor as he fell onto his bed. He felt like screaming bloody murder, but decided against it. Bruce was pretty sure Alfred wouldn't appreciate that at three o'clock in the morning. Trying to distract himself from thinking about his headache, his thoughts turned to the Joker.

For some reason, the feelings he had in the Batcave were gone. It was as if walking out of the door had caused some odd reaction in his brain. He only felt it when he was in the Batcave.

No.

He only felt it when he was Batman.

It was all becoming clearer now. Sure, he had always known that he felt differently as Batman than he did as Bruce Wayne, but he hadn't realized how extreme the differences were. As he was lying in his bed, he was utterly disgusted. Just the thought of the Joker made him want to gag. But, it had been different in the Batcave. He could remember the feeling, but just the ghost of it. When they were on the floor, so close to each other that Bruce had been able to hear the Joker's heartbeat echoing in his head.

He rubbed his eyes and tried to quiet his racing mind. His body was ready for sleep, but his mind just kept going. It was light outside his window before he finally fell asleep.

.C.N.

"Sir. Wake up."

Bruce blinked a few times, then looked at Alfred.

"What?"

"It's six o' clock in the evening."

"What?!"

He sat up quickly only to be met with a throbbing pain in his temple. Groaning, he continued slowly, trying to get dressed. Alfred watched him with a concerned look on his face. Ever since the Joker had gotten there, Bruce had been in pain.

Coincidence?

"Did you ask him about the note, sir?"

"Tried, but he changed the subject before I could get an answer. Then he...agh my head! Oh nevermind." Bruce said.

"Then he what?"

"He got up and it startled me. So the chair I was sitting on fell backwards and I hit my head on the ground. Completely blacked me out."

Alfred looked confused.

"And he didn't take off your mask?"

"That's what I asked myself. It doesn't make any sense! He had the chance, so why didn't he?"

"I'm sure it makes sense in his mind, sir."

Bruce laughed under his breath and walked downstairs. It looked perfectly normal. You would never have guessed that a madman was taking shelter there.

"Well I should go. The commissioner wanted to see me about something. Be back soon."

After the door shut, Alfred rushed into the Batcave. The Joker jumped and opened his mouth to comment on Alfred's rudeness.

"Sir, I have to take another x-ray if you don't mind."

The Joker waved his hand as a signal for Alfred to go ahead. This time, Alfred noticed, the Joker complained and commented more. But this could also be because he had been unconscious the first time. Alfred noticed that he had liked the Joker so much more when he was unconscious.

After the ordeal, Alfred took the x-rays and held them up to the light. He gasped and they all fluttered to the ground.

"Oh my god."

.C.N.

The Joker hummed as he looked around the Batcave. He had memorized every crevice, rock, and machine. To put it bluntly, he was bored. So he decided to think about Batman instead.

"Oh Batsy. I miss you." He said aloud.

A disturbed look appeared on his face. To his ears, his words had actually sounded sincere. He had always thought that when he said things like that, he had just been trying to get under Batman's skin. Yes, he loved Batman, but he had never felt the feeling that accompanied the sentiment. It was a sickening feeling.

"Huh."

He sat up, rather amazed at himself. Imagine, the Joker capable of feelings. As he thought about it more and more he realized that he had always had these feelings, they were just disregarded. To him, they had never been feelings, they were a way of life. The Joker would say something of romantic origins, Batman would hit him, he would hit back, then he would be taken back to Arkham.

Bing, bang, boom, everyone goes home happy.

He giggled to himself. When more thoughts came up he stopped.

"Haven't I had this revelation before?" He asked the walls.

Ah, yes. Last month when Harley had broken the Joker's souvenir Batarang he had come to a conclusion. He had decided that he was, if there had ever been any doubts, Batsexual. Really odd how he forgot these sort of things.

He tried again to laugh at himself but found he couldn't. For some reason, he just didn't want to laugh at that moment. Serious emotions were filling his head and he couldn't get them to go away. Silently, he hung his head and hugged his knees. Suddenly the world felt very cold.

And this time it wasn't funny.

* * *

_Some really good stuff is coming up next chapter! Stay tuned!_


	3. Borderline

_Hey, sorry it's been forever! School is murder. Anyway, I want to dedicate this chapter to Nancy Nix for being the best friend ever and for inspiring me tons during this. Love you oodles! I also want to thank Cathy for making me put this up. If she hadn't pushed me to finally put this up, this wouldn't be here for awhile. Thanks guys!_

_p.s. Thanks for the reviews, I'm flattered! Enjoy!_

* * *

"Sir! Sir, you really do need to take a look at these," Alfred whispered, "I believe that your well being could be in danger and-..." 

"Alfred! Please...I have to go talk to the Joker."

"No, sir. Before you do that, you need to see this."

Bruce held up his hand and looked at the door to the Batcave.

"I have to find out something right now, Alfred. I have no _time_."

Alfred just looked at Bruce and nodded. He knew that he could argue all day, but Bruce would never yield. He watched Bruce cross the room to open the door, but he turned. For some reason, he just couldn't watch his master and friend turn the handle to that door. Watching Bruce willingly put his life on the line time and time again was getting to him. Shaking his head, he set the stack of x-rays on the table and walked away.

.C.N.

"I just _looove_ when you visit me, but you don't have to stand so far away! Do I offend?" The Joker asked.

Batman was standing back, away from the Joker's bed. After what had happened the last time, he couldn't risk it. But, for some reason he didn't think the Joker was going to pull anything this time. He looked somewhat withdrawn, which was very unlike him.

"Actually it's quite possible. I went to the...less than desirable part of Gotham the other day. Hobos _everywhere_! Quite interesting how strangely they acted. I also met this gypsy woman. Boy was she a piece of work! Wasn't very polite, might I add..."

"No distractions. Answer my questions." Batman said sternly.

"Alright, alright. No need to get your Bat-panties in a bunch."

"Why did you ask me to meet you at the aquarium that night? I need to know Joker."

The Joker looked at Batman for a second then turned away.

"Can't tell you, Batsy. The moment is gone."

"I'm sick of your perverse games!" Batman yelled, stepping closer.

There were a few strange minutes of silence before Batman heard the Joker laugh softly.

"We're like an old noir film, you know. May as well have _'My Funny Valentine'_ playing in the background. We should be in black and white and you should be telling me how you don't give a damn. You and I, my dear, are surrounded in twisting, unending drama. You, the debonaire detective with the calm unshakeable demeanor and me, the seductive songstress who falls desperately in love. Each dancing around the other...taunting. Ah, the sexual tension!" He looked at Batman and smiled, "Get your trench coat and toss me the red lipstick baby, let's do our scene."

Batman scowled slightly. But he knew that, in his own way, the Joker was right. At different times, both of them could have ended this, but neither of them ever did. The Joker laughed for a moment, but then he trailed off, his smile disappearing.

"Batman, I have a question."

Batman looked at him. His voice had actually sounded sincere.

"What makes you let me go every time? You've had the chance to stop me more times than I can count. I'll be flat on the floor, sure that my days as a criminal are over, but you let me get away. Every. Single. Time. Why?"

Silent looks were exchanged between the two as Batman searched for an answer. He honestly didn't know. Something inside him was certain that he couldn't go on without the Joker. Killing him was completely and utterly out of the question. Even the Joker serving a life sentence in prison seemed unbearable. The Joker was the one that drove Batman's entire lifestyle, without him, who knows what would happen. Nobody else gave him the challenge that the clown did. Every other villain he faced was just a tired copy of him. The Joker was the original; the only one that truly mattered. And as much as he didn't want to admit it, Batman needed him.

"I..."

Batman just couldn't answer. He was so afraid that saying what he wanted to say would change things forever.

The Joker looked away sadly. Not hearing an answer hurt. He knew perfectly well what he wanted, but he also knew that he would never get the satisfaction of hearing those three sweet words. It was just too unlike Batman.

"There's just one thing I need to do." the Joker said, standing.

Batman jumped and stepped back, shocked by the movement. The Joker held up his hands and shook his head.

"No tricks. I don't have any spirit left in me for tricks right now."

He walked up to Batman and leaned forward. For the first time in his life, he hesitated. The Joker had never had a reason to hesitate before, but now he had one. And unfortunately for him, he was in love with it.

Batman stood stone still.

"Joker, I-..."

The Joker cut him off with a kiss. For a moment he had the world. But everything he had ever wanted came with a price. Right on cue, Batman jumped and grabbed the Joker by the shoulders, pulling him away. He didn't say anything. There wasn't any need to. The only thing that broke the silence was the Joker's ragged breathing.

That was it. He was ruined. At that moment he realized that he was standing frozen, watching the moments before his world came crashing down. The Joker braced himself for a punch, but when he found that he could still feel Batman's hands on his shoulders he opened his eyes.

Batman was looking at him, an indecisive look plastered all over his face.

_Why not help him decide?_

The Joker wrapped his hands around Batman's wrists and rested his pale cheek against the gloved hand on his shoulder. As he closed his eyes, he suddenly felt himself being pushed backwards into a wall. The wind was knocked clean out of him when his back connected with the jagged rock, but Batman didn't care. Instead of seeing if he had caused any damage, he started kissing the Joker, removing his jacket in the process.

"Trying to...get me in bed already?" The Joker asked in between breaths.

"Shut up."

"Don't do this if you don't love me..."

Bad move. Batman stopped kissing him and leaned back slightly.

"Can't you take a joke, Batsy?" The Joker asked, trying to cover his slip-up.

Batman decided to let it go and continued what he had been doing. The Joker felt a little hurt by Batman's response to his "joke", but the pain in his back was much more overpowering. The Joker was writhing uncomfortably against the wall, trying to think straight. He wanted so much more than what Batman was giving him, but he dare not ask. For once he felt completely powerless. It had never been that way, especially not with Batman. They were equals, but not tonight. Finally Batman moved down and started kissing his neck, breaking the Joker's train of thought.

"Oh God."

Quickly, Batman pulled the Joker forward by his shirt and maneuvered him over to the bed. Despite this being what he wanted, the Joker felt apprehensive. What would the outcome of this be? Surely things wouldn't be the same after this. It really didn't matter once Batman tore the Joker's shirt off. Buttons could be heard clattering to the floor as Batman tossed the shirt over his shoulder. Batman shushed the Joker when he opened his mouth in protest.

"My shirt..."

"It'll be worth it."

The Joker believed him. Moonlight from a high up window spilled onto the two as they continued. Forceful kisses and electrifying touches filled the evening, both of them reaching a stronger high after each one. The Joker feared every kiss would be the last or every time Batman slid his hand down the Joker's body would seal his fate. Most of all, he was afraid that he would wake up.

Without trying, he had crossed far past the realm of safe.

.C.N.

The Joker sighed. He then looked at Batman and sighed a little louder. Batman turned his head to say something, but a bright light suddenly flashed, drawing his attention to the window.

The Bat signal shone brightly against the dark midnight sky, beckoning him. Batman threw the covers off and rose from the bed. Cold air hit his body, making him shiver. As ridiculous as he felt, he had left his mask on the entire evening, even though his Batsuit had come off early on. Even in the heat of the moment, he knew that he had to protect what little safety he had left. He grabbed the Batsuit off the ground and quickly opened the door.

Before he stepped out he stole a quick glance at the Joker. The Joker was looking back at him intently, sadness in his eyes.

A warm feeling washed over Batman, stunning him for a moment. But he promptly shook it off and continued out the door.

The Joker lay alone in the bed, staring at the ceiling. The Bat signal was both his enemy and his dearest friend, but no matter which way he thought of the wretched thing it always took his Batman away.

He hated being in there alone. It left him a million hours to think of himself and Batman, together or apart. In this case apart.

His eyes began to sting with tears, but he rubbed them frantically away. As hard as he tried, he couldn't think of anything to make him laugh. All he wanted was to be himself. It was so frustrating to him that he was only acting like a shell; a copy of himself. Already things felt different. Like someone had flipped a switch, changing him into something he didn't want to be. He turned away from the window in defeat and let tears run down his cheeks.

There were only a few tears, but it was enough to disgust him. He grimaced, but he did absolutely nothing to stop them. There was nothing he _could_ do. Finally, he let himself break down completely. Sobs wracked his broken body relentlessly, refusing to let up.

The more he cried, the more exhausted he felt. His body was rebelling against him and he couldn't do a damn thing about it. Though he was pretty sure that it was the sex that caused the exhaustion, not the crying. But for the longest time, he couldn't even work up the strength to roll away from the window. He was forced to lay there and watch the Bat signal taunt him, all the while fighting to breathe.

Batman was gone for hours. The Joker wondered subconsciously if he'd ever come back. What if he was with one of his many damsels in distress? He felt so stupid. Of course Batman had a girlfriend. Why wouldn't he? His heart lay shattered on the ground, far beyond repair.

"Leave it to me to fall for the cute heartbreaker."

The Joker was so lost in his thoughts that he hadn't even heard Batman come back in.

The Dark Knight stood in the doorway, watching. The Joker's pale back was faced towards him and in the moonlight he could see him shaking. Batman walked forward and sat on the bed, placing his hand on the Joker's bare shoulder. Even through his gloves, he could feel that his skin was ice cold. The Joker turned his head to look, revealing red eyes and tear stained cheeks.

Startled, Batman removed his hand and sat up. He had never seen the Joker honestly cry before. In a way, it scared him more than anything else the Joker could have done. Then without warning, the Joker sat up and let himself fall onto Batman's chest. When Batman didn't move away he buried his face in Batman's neck. Batman was shocked to say the least, but he didn't pull away. Having the Joker against him felt right, even though he was too afraid to say it out loud. If he said it aloud, then it would become too real.

After the initial shock wore off, he closed his eyes, the warmth of the Joker's cheek on his neck. As dangerously wrong as this was, neither of them could end it. They both knew this was a deadly game of cat and mouse that never intended to stop.

At that moment, Alfred walked it and saw them. Embarrassed, he immediately cast his head down.

"Oh sir...you have no idea what you're getting yourself into."

He turned and walked back out the door, shutting it on the way out.

.C.N.

The next morning, Alfred was up bright and early. Despite the late night, he felt obliged to get up and do what he was expected to do. Not that Bruce Wayne would've cared at that point. He was in far too deep to wonder what Alfred was doing.

He went about his business as normally as possible, decidedly avoiding the Batcave. That would have to be cleaned later. From the looks of things, it would be _much_ later. Everything was moving along smoothly and it looked as though it was going to be an uneventful day. That is, until the mail arrived.

It was around three in the afternoon that Alfred retrieved the mail and brought it back to the house. As he was sorting through it on the kitchen table, a package caught his eye. There was nothing on the box at all. It was just a white cardboard box sealed with tape. Alfred opened it to find a large brown envelope with the word 'confidential' stamped across the front in red letters.

As he opened the flap on the envelope, he was worried. He was certain that he knew what it was, but he wasn't sure if he wanted to know. Knowing meant that he would have something else to tell Bruce. Alfred was having a hard enough time telling him the first problem. But, he had a feeling that this would be far worse.

Alfred pulled the contents of the envelope out and looked through it. It was a large collection of tests that had been run on the blood he sent in. The first few sheets weren't much to worry about, just run of the mill physician tests. But the next few pages were a little more interesting. According to these pages, there was something distressing about the Joker's health.

He knew he had to tell Bruce right then. Alfred had no right to hide this from him. He walked around the corner to knock on the door, but instead he found Bruce, still in the Batsuit, sitting in a chair by the wall.

Alfred opened his mouth to speak, but Bruce beat him to the punch.

"Bruce Wayne doesn't love the Joker."

Alfred paused, confused.

"What do you mean, sir?"

"I am two different people, Alfred. Without that cape and mask, he means nothing to me."

Alfred didn't know if he could believe that. The man sitting in front of him looked troubled, yet there was a certain contentedness about him. Like some huge atomic weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Alfred had only seen that look on Bruce once before, and that was years ago.

"Alfred, I'm lost."

"I know."

"What do I do?"

Suddenly, Alfred saw his chance to tell Bruce.

"Well, if you don't care about him when you don't have your mask...I suggest you take the mask off."

"What on earth do you mean, Alfred?" Bruce asked, taking off the Batsuit and putting on pants.

"I have to tell you something and if you don't care about the Joker, it may mean little, maybe even nothing, to you."

"I could care less about him. Just tell me."

"I tried to tell you this yesterday, but the reason I was worried about your safety was because the Joker's leg isn't broken anymore,"

Bruce opened his mouth, but Alfred stopped him.

"I don't know why it healed so fast, but I'm sure the answer will present itself soon enough. But sir, that isn't all. He was sick long before he came here."

"...What? But, he was fine. I've fought him. He's been _fine_."

"No, sir. I...was suspicious when he first came, so I took a blood sample when he was asleep and sent it to some specialists outside of Gotham. I must have taken them two weeks ago, but I just got the results back today. It's a problem with the iron level in his blood. It causes fatigue and faintness, among other things. And well..."

Silence dominated the room. The tension was just too much to bear.

"And?"

Alfred turned his head away and tried to figure out the best way to say it. He knew it wouldn't end well no matter how gentle he was.

Bruce stood up and grabbed Alfred's shoulders.

"What is it?" He asked, sternly.

Bruce searched Alfred's face for answers as his butler took a deep breath.

"Sir...the Joker has anemia."

* * *

_Anemia is a disease of the blood, by the way. More will be explained soon. Review if you can! - Claire Napier_

_Also, go read Nancy Nix's Batman stories! I referenced one of them in here, but they're all fantastic._


	4. Lullabies for Clowns

_Sorry about the delay. I had to do some serious re-evaluating for this story. But it's all better now so you can enjoy! I tweaked the characterization so it's more believable. The dialogue is different too. Anyway, enjoy! Reviews always appreciated._

_Claire Napier_

Bruce sat back down in the chair and looked at the floor.

"Anemia?"

"Yes, it's a disease of the blood where-..."

"I know what it is Alfred, but how did he get it? Seems odd. He's been fine for all these years."

"I don't know."

"What _do_ you know?"

Bruce was starting to raise his voice and Alfred knew that wasn't a good sign. He held the papers out to Bruce and started to explain.

"All I know is that his blood is unusual. They don't know if it's connected to cancer or if it just stops at anemia."

Bruce stopped flipping through the reports and looked at Alfred.

"Cancer."

"Yes."

"But, anemia isn't that serious. If I remember correctly, it isn't fatal. Is this really something we need to be concerned about?"

"Sir, I'm not sure that's the point. If my hunch is correct, this is what he was most likely trying to tell you that night at the aquarium. But, there's got to be something more to it. He wouldn't come to you about this if it didn't directly affect the two of you. Oh, and sir, if you don't mind me asking, why do you care so much about his well-being?"

"I don't care. I never have and I don't plan on starting now." Bruce said sternly, shoving the papers back at Alfred.

Bruce stood up and walked upstairs. Alfred bent down to pick up the papers, worried that he had done something he shouldn't have. Had Bruce really needed to know? Of course he did. Someone fairly important to his life was sick, it was important that Bruce knew. But Alfred still couldn't help feeling strangely about it.

.C.N.

Harley Quinn used to be a normal girl. Cute little thing with blond hair and glasses. She had a respectable job working at Arkham Asylum helping with the patients and everyone liked her. Her world was perfectly stable; until the Joker sauntered nonchalantly into her life.

It hadn't been planned for either of them, but it had worked to the Joker's advantage. One day when Harley was psychoanalyzing the Joker, she had begun to look at her patient in a different light. The stories he told were nothing short of astonishing. Sometimes funny, other times sad. But either way, she had enjoyed them. It brought them closer. And he told the best jokes! What a kidder he was. She began to see him more and more, each session longer than the last. Then, one day she snapped and helped him escape from Arkham.

The rest, as they say, is history.

He had her wrapped tightly in his web and he never intended to let her go. The Joker may have been using her all this time, but she didn't care. A truer love than hers, there was none. So one can imagine her dismay when she came to terms with the fact that her love hadn't been home for far too long.

"Oooh!"

Harley stomped around the living room, worrying her heart out. The Joker hadn't checked in for a very long time and she was mess because of it. She was frantic, wanting to know where he was and why he hadn't come home. At first it wasn't a big thing. She knew it involved Batman, so it probably was going to be awhile.

But weeks?

Chewing on her thumbnail, she walked to the door. Suddenly she stopped. Where would she go? She had no idea where he was and she was lost without him. Harley didn't even know where she would start.

Shaking her head, she walked over to a window and pushed the curtain aside. It was bright outside, so definitely not the best time to start a search and rescue. Inky darkness was the best for her kind of searching anyway.

As soon as the sun went down she would be out the door, no doubt about it. She was going to find her puddin' if it was the last thing she ever did.

.C.N.

Meanwhile, Bruce leaned against his bed, fighting with his brain. He didn't care. But, then he did. Bruce shouldn't. Batman should. Or was it the other way around? His brain was thinking in utter blacks and whites and he couldn't stand it. One decision had to be made.

Kick him out? Let him stay?

He was forcing himself to tug in two separate directions and soon it was going to tear him apart.

There were other things he had to worry about. Though it seemed like it, his world didn't revolve around the Joker. He wasn't Gotham's only villain and it looked like Bruce had forgotten that in the last few days. That time was over now. Bruce wasn't going to feed into the mind games anymore.

He was going to confront the Joker and he was going to be out of his house by the end of the day.

The stairs seemed to go on forever as he walked quickly down. The only thing on his mind was how to get the Joker out as quickly and as efficiently as possible. Nothing else mattered.

Alfred watched as Bruce jumped the last two steps and ran to the Batcave door.

"In a hurry sir?" Alfred asked as Bruce's hand met the door handle.

"I've got to get him out of here. He's ruining me." Bruce didn't look up.

Alfred didn't say anything, but he was almost one hundred percent positive that he would be doing damage control in the lab later.

A frustrated growl escaped Bruce's mouth as he went to open the door.

"Batsuit!" Alfred yelled quickly.

Letting go of the handle, Bruce snapped his fingers and put on the suit.

"You're getting quick at that, sir."

A smirk appeared on his face before he went into the Batcave. He shut the door behind him and looked around for his now unwelcome house guest. The Joker was sitting on the ground humming to himself.

"Come to evict me?" The Joker turned his head to look at Batman, "Even after all of the touching warm and fuzzy moments we've had?"

"I'm tired of this." Batman said.

The Joker jumped up and walked up to him. A troubled look appeared on his face as he brushed some dust off of Batman's shoulder.

"There! I was tired of that too."

"Stop. It's time for you to go. Things need to go back to normal."

"Normal. Is there such a thing with us? You know it's never been anything close to normal! We're just psychos. Well I guess you'd have to be to dress up like a flying rat every night..."

Batman stood there and listened to the Joker talk. It wasn't often that they were in a situation like this where one of them wasn't tied up or in the back of a police car. In fact, this was the perfect opportunity to bring up a subject that was weighing heavily on Batman's mind.

"About the anemia."

All talk stopped immediately. The Joker smiled and looked directly at Batman.

"Clever. I knew taking x-rays didn't involve taking blood samples. What a sneaky, sneaky butler..."

"How did you get it?"

The Joker laughed.

"Getting right to the point are we? Well, as I'm sure you know, I've been through a lot of less than perfect situations in my lifetime. Chemical baths, fights with _you_ every other day, other people who have issues that take it out on my body, the list goes on and on. But how I got the anemia? In this case, it's from severe blood loss. I hear that can definitely screw you over in the blood disease area."

The Joker left no room for comment and continued on.

"You see, I can do research too. I had to guess about the cause, but it's not like I had to call in Sherlock Holmes for help. What else would it have been from? Anyway, I guess you've figured it all out then. That was why I was at the aquarium after all. I was going to tell you all about it, but you will have to settle for the abridged version. Oh, and don't fret my dear, it won't get in the way of us."

Laughter echoed through the Batcave. Batman was developing a growing disgust for laughter.

"Anemia isn't fatal. You can get treatment."

"Medicine isn't my thing, Bats."

Silence came from Batman's side of the room.

"What do you suggest I do then? I can't go to the hospital. I can't see a doctor. If I went in there, the first person that saw me would call the police and I'd be finished. We'd be done."

"We?" Batman asked, raising an eyebrow.

"There would be no more 'you and me', Batsy. I would be kept in Arkham forever because of this. More medicine, closer watch. Not that anyone there would care that I kicked the bucket; they would only keep me alive for legal reasons. Sure, I'd get out like always, but what about when I run out of meds? Then what do I do? Go back, expect to just get my medication, and walk right back through the gates? It's a vicious circle, Batman, and I can't get out."

"I don't care about you, but I will not let you die if there is something I can do to prevent it. I don't want your blood on my hands."

"Ouch. You don't care, darling? Really? Oh what will I do...does that mean I don't get a goodbye kiss?"

Batman leaned down close to the Joker's face. The Joker was speechless for once. He didn't think that one time he would actually get what he asked for.

Turns out it wasn't that time.

Batman quickly blindfolded the Joker and let him to the Batmobile. The Joker felt himself get shoved into the seat, followed by the sound of rejection.

"No." Then the door was slammed.

.C.N.

The ride there was silent except for the rain pattering against the windows. Batman looked around the dark city for a place to leave the sad clown sitting next to him. He was surprised that the Joker hadn't said a word since they left. It would've worried him if he wasn't so bent on getting him out of his car.

Rain splashed up off of the streets as he sped down, passing alleyways and houses. Batman felt out of place driving down these streets, despite this being his city. It looked different tonight. Shadows splayed themselves against the sides of buildings and crept into deserted alleyways. Ghosts crawled out of trash cans and drains, hoping to find something to breathe life back into their pale skins. A perfect place to leave a clown.

The Batmobile screeched to a stop, splashing a brick wall nearest it.

"Out."

The Joker breathed in sharply and listened to the harsh rain outside. Surely he wouldn't leave him there.

Batman leaned over the Joker and opened the door. Cold air and water sprayed up into the car, sending chills across his body.

"Get out."

The Joker could hear an anger in his voice that told him Batman wasn't kidding. So he got out. There was nothing left to hold onto.

Wind slapped him hard in the face as he took a few steps away. He heard the door shut and felt the heat of the tires on his cold skin. The engine revved a few times as warning, then Batman was off. For some reason, the Joker stood in the middle of the street until he could no longer hear the roar of the engine. He let the rain pound against him until it was finally silent.

Suddenly his legs could no longer hold him up, and he let himself crumple to the ground. Water flooded into his mouth as his cheek connected with the black pavement. Every rain drop seemed to be another nail into his body. Of all the things that had happened to him in his life, this hurt more than anything else.

He couldn't breathe, his body ached, his eyes felt tired. It felt as though the sound of the engine had stolen his soul, his warmth...his smile.

Blindfold still tied on, the Joker dragged his body across the street until he felt his ribs hit the sidewalk. He draped his drenched body over the sidewalk, waiting for nothing. Shivers wracked his body as he lay there. He wasn't sure where to go from there. Would it be strange with Batman now? He desperately hoped not. Crime had no punch line without Batman.

After a few minutes of laying against the sidewalk, he stood and took a few uncertain steps forward.

Pulling off the blindfold, he backed into an alley. It didn't offer any more shelter from the rain than the street had, but it was darker. The darkness felt more comforting to him than the hard streetlights that flickered.

He blinked his eyes a few times and looked up. The Batsignal flashed unwavering in the sky, offering some hope to people despite the rain. The Joker leaned against the brick wall and slid to the ground, smiling.

The weakness he had been experiencing was coming back again. Sometimes it was so bad that he could barely keep his eyes open. But at that moment, he didn't care. He didn't even recognize himself anymore. This experience had changed him and he had done absolutely nothing to stop it. What had he let himself turn into?

He let out a weak laugh before finally fainting.

.C.N.

Harley drove around anxiously, hoping to catch a glimpse of the Joker. She was getting worried. He hadn't wanted her to find out, but she knew about the anemia. She knew that he couldn't handle cold and he fainted when he was stressed or upset. The rain only heightened her fear.

What if he was lying on the street somewhere unconscious or worse? She squirmed a little in her seat and drove faster. But as she was beginning to lose hope, she sped around another corner. Something green, purple, and completely unmoving was lying in a flooded alleyway. The car skidded to a stop and Harley leapt out.

"Mistah J?!"

She ran up to him and lifted him off the ground. He was out cold and barely breathing. Grabbing him under the arms, she began to drag him slowly across the pavement.

"Don't worry sugar," She said between tugs, "I got ya. It's gonna be okay..."

Cold rain drops fell harder than before, soaking her all the way to the bone. She was tired of rain. It always rained in Gotham.

Giving one last tug, she pulled him into the backseat of the car and quickly hopped into the front. She would take him home and hopefully he would forget about this Batman business. This wasn't the first time he had been left out in the cold because of that unfeeling bat. Harley scowled at the windshield.

"Forget about him puddin'. He may be gone, but I'm here."

A tear rolled slowly down the Joker's white cheek. That's what he was afraid of.

* * *

Things are starting to get serious now...

Review if ya feel like it!


	5. Full Circle

_Been too long, apologies! Enjoy this bit, it's been a long time coming and it's taken a while for me to be satisfied. Thank you._

_Claire Napier_

* * *

Water clouded Bruce's eyes as he looked up at the sky. The rain hadn't let up for days and Gotham was lost in a dark and waterlogged gloom. The ground at the cemetery was soggy and with every step Bruce took, his shoe squished into the mud. At that point though, he didn't care.

Visiting his parents' grave on the other side of town sometimes helped him clear his head, sometimes it didn't. Today it gave him a small amount of peace. Even though they couldn't answer him, it was comforting to know that they never changed or went away. They would forever be under their personal block of concrete; safe from the elements.

It had been a week since Batman had left the Joker out on the streets. Bruce had thought that getting the Joker away from his home would help his current fragile state of mind, but it didn't. He died a little bit more every time he looked outside at the slick streets. Everything reminded him of the sad clown he had left in the cold.

Bruce was constantly in a tragic situation, fighting with himself. The internal conflict, day in and day out, was slowly wearing him down to the point of unrest. He blamed it on other sources outside of himself, but he knew it was his own fault. His and Batman's. It had never been so hard to have two identities, but lately each identity had taken on entirely different outlooks on life.

Batman said no, Bruce said yes. Hot, cold, black, white; different ends of the spectrum. The biggest threat to his sanity wasn't the Joker, it was the big black nightmare he became when the sun when down.

He sighed and rested his hand on the tombstone one last time before walking away. The point of his outing had been to forget his troubles but he hadn't even accomplished that. The Joker saturated every thought no matter how hard he tried to block him out. Guilt left a thin coating over everything he did, making it impossible to function normally.

Bruce trudged back through the mixture of mud and grass and to his car. His hand met the cold metal of the handle and pulled it open with a click. Shivering, he sat on the fine leather seat and put the key into the ignition, but nothing happened. His hands stayed stationary on the steering wheel with no intention of going anywhere. Where did he honestly have to go?

He could go home, but Alfred would try to ask him about what had happened again. He also considered driving around to look for the Joker, but that was strictly out of the question for more reasons than one.

The Joker...

What had actually happened to him? Was he sick or hurt?

What if he was dead?

Suddenly Bruce felt a strange feeling mulling around in his abdomen. The incredible urge to empty the contents of his stomach hit him like a wrecking ball and he instinctively covered his mouth. He flung the car door open quickly and sprinted through the downpour to the single concrete bathroom on the outskirts of the cemetery.

Once there, he slammed the door shut and collapsed onto the tiled floor that was covered in God-knows-what. White-knuckled hands gripped the edge of the sink and a bar attached to the wall as he coughed and sputtered into the porcelain bowl. Minutes went by until finally he was reduced to dry heaves and watering eyes. Cold air stung his already sore throat as he took deep, panicky breaths.

Bruce clung, gasping, to the dirty toilet seat, not wanting to know how he got to this point of complete desperation. His eyes shut as the queasy feeling crept back up into his throat.

"Hey."

Bruce coughed and looked over his shoulder. No one. He resumed his previous position with his head next to the questionable looking bowl.

"Hey, you! Pretty boy!"

His head turned wearily to his left and drooped down onto the toilet seat, eye level with a pipe leaking brown liquid onto the ground. Well, there was no one under the sink.

"Up here."

Bruce lifted his head up and looked at the scratched mirror. His reflection was looking down at him shaking it's head.

"What have you let us come to?"

Frantically, Bruce shut his eyes and opened them again. His reflection was still glaring at him.

"Worrying yourself to the point of physical _sickness_?! Bruce, please."

The reflection leaned over and made a disgusted face. Bruce just blinked, hoping that this delusion, like the others before it, would eventually go away.

"I see we had the eggs for breakfast.... You know what your problem is Bruce?" Mirror Bruce paused and waited for his other to shake his head no, then continued, "Your problem, is that you are carrying two drastically different worlds on your shoulders. It's driving you mad and you can't remember how you ever made it balance in the past. Well I can tell you why you can't balance it now: you're afraid of where your alter ego is making you go. You're terrified of the feelings that it evokes in you."

Bruce continued gasping for air as he listened to his Mirror Self monologue.

"You agree with your point of view as Bruce Wayne. Of course you do, because it's safe. But with the other side, the one willing to take a chance, you are so scared of it that your fear manifests itself as sickness and insanity. How do you even know what is wrong or right? Stop fighting it, Bruce! You need to stop fighting and just _let go_!"

A sharp knock on the door made Bruce jump and turn away.

"Occupied!" Bruce croaked.

When he looked back up at the mirror, it simply showed him hanging over a toilet with bloodshot eyes. A piercing headache shot through his temples, blinding him for a moment. He groaned and lifted himself off of the ground, using the back of the toilet for balance. The grit and mess from the floor combined with the wetness of the rain created an all around feeling of discomfort, making it hard to walk. His previously clean black shoes squeaked across the tile until he reached the concrete welcome mat opening up back onto the grass.

The sun was just then dipping down, signaling the transition into night.

Bruce rubbed his head and walked slowly back to his car. It was beginning to look like he would be out late that night.

* * *

The strong smell of coffee beans woke him from his anemia-induced slumber. His eyes opened slowly; cautiously. He was lying on a couch...somewhere.

The quick flash of red seen from out of the corner of his eye told him exactly why he should have never woken up.

"Mistah J? Mistah J!"

Harley Quinn jumped and landed on him, cracking his back. The Joker yelped in pain and shoved her to the ground.

"Harley! What do you think you're doing?" He asked, sitting up.

She looked at him sheepishly and pushed a cup of coffee across the table towards him.

"Well, it's been a few days ya see and I was hoping you'd be back to your normal self, puddin'." Harley looked at him with a hopeful look in her eyes.

Truth was, he wasn't okay. He was cold, sick, and he was stuck with Harley who was under the impression that she could play nurse. In his book, that didn't equal 'okay'.

"Harley, Harley, Harley..."

Her heart beat against her ribs every time he said her name.

"I want to-no, wait. I _need_ to leave here. There has been an unfortunate lack of mayhem around here for the past week or so and that needs to be remedied."

Harley smiled and stood.

"Of course! Things to be done, yes. But, can you go out in the rain, sugar?"

The Joker scowled and looked her straight in the eye. Before he could comment on her stupidity, he heard a hard knock at the door. Not really wanting to move, he nodded at Harley.

Swiftly, she hopped around the corner and out of sight. The Joker savored this precious moment alone, by contemplating what he would do. He could just leave, sneak away while Harley was at the door. There was a back door in the other room that he could easily slip through.

Harley's gasp interrupted his thoughts.

"Gotham City Police, you are under arrest for..."

The Joker decided he didn't want to stick around to hear the tail end of that sentence. Springing up, he leapt over the back of the couch and sped out the back door. After reaching back in briefly to grab his coat, he was off. As he ran down the building's fire escape he thought of Harley, but he let the rain wash that thought away. Why couldn't he be selfish?

The shrill sound of the police sirens echoed through the streets and bounced between alleyway walls, reminding him that he was never safe. It was getting dark, but he couldn't go back home. He definitely couldn't go back to the Batcave, seeing as he didn't know where it was. Not that he would anyway. The Joker laughed at his current situation. It just showed that he couldn't get comfortable anywhere.

He strolled through the wet streets, whistling. It was rather funny how he was trying to fool his mind into thinking that he was back to normal. He could talk the talk, but...

A police car rounded the corner quickly causing him to dive into the nearest alleyway. Honestly, he was tired of the alleyways. He stayed there among the trash for a while, collecting strange looks from a vast assortment of hobos. One even had the nerve to attempt touching him. The hobo in question was quickly taught that this was a 'no-no'.

After that incident, no one seemed to come across his particular alley again.

Hours later, long after sunset, the Joker was still there. He had found a deck of cards in his jacket pocket a few moments before and was now flinging the ones that weren't jokers into a nearby puddle. Leaning against the wall with one ankle crossed nonchalantly over the other, he sighed. Card after card landed in the puddle and floated across aimlessly.

"Ace of spades? No," he spun the card through the air and continued on, "Queen of hearts? Ha."

The queen of hearts fluttered through the air as rain drops quickened its descent. The soggy card missed the puddle, however, and landed at someone's feet. Someone wearing a fair amount of black.

The Joker could've sworn he heard a sigh of relief as he looked up. Batman hovered near the entrance of the alleyway, not moving. All that could be heard was the hum of the rain hitting the uneven ground.

"Oh look who it is. The Bat. Man." The Joker hissed.

The way the Joker separated the name made Batman cringe. The Joker pushed himself off the wall and walked slowly up to Batman. All Batman could see was the emptiness in the Joker's eyes.

"Why are you here. Didn't feel like you'd done enough?"

The Joker then turned his head and pointed to his papery white cheek.

"Just do it. Knock me out and leave me for dead. I know you're just _aching_ to do it."

Batman just scowled and said nothing. The Joker turned his head back and looked down at the puddle with his cards in it. A smile played itself across his lips.

"Just do _something_. Please."

Batman didn't anticipate the Joker's next move, though he should have. The Joker swung at Batman's face, hitting him with a _crack_ in the jaw. The clown jumped back laughing and holding his hand against his chest. Batman was painfully aware of his aching jaw as he watched the Joker with wide eyes. Giggling with an odd desperation in his voice, the Joker slammed his hand against the brick wall and leaned against it. His shoulders shook so hard, it was visible even in the heavy rain.

Something was off.

Batman walked up to the Joker, anger in his steps. But as he approached him, The Joker grabbed Batman's shoulders and shoved him against the wall with all of the strength he could muster. It was then that Batman decided he was done with being treated like a pinata.

He jumped back off of the wall and punched the Joker in the stomach making him cough and sputter in between laughs. Not pausing, Batman picked the Joker up by his collar and slammed him against the grimy wall. Pain shot through the Joker's eyes as he winced.

"There we go!" The Joker said, smiling.

"You are the only person I know that gets pleasure from pain," Batman said through clenched teeth.

"What can I say? I'm a sad masochistic clown!"

Batman opened his mouth to comment but was stopped by the Joker going limp in his grasp. He loosened his hold and the Joker fell into Batman's arms.

The clouds moved apart slowly, exposing the moon from its previous hiding place. Light reflected off of every wet surface, including the Joker's ruby red lips. Batman looked down at the Joker and contemplated his next move. The thought of taking the Joker back to his mansion crossed his mind.

It then dawned on him that they had just gone full circle. They were back at the start again.

Shaking his head, he carried the Joker to the Batmobile.

The door opened and Batman sat the Joker down on the seat. For a moment, the Joker's eyes fluttered open and he looked out at Batman. The rain provided a misty gray background, and the moon served as a back light.

"I knew you were an angel," The Joker mused giddily in a sleep drenched voice.

Batman looked down and walked to the other side of the car. Just as the Joker blacked out again, they were off into the deep abyss of Gotham City.

* * *

Alfred sighed as he saw Batman drag the Joker once again into the Batcave. He walked forward and called Bruce's name. No reply, just constant shuffling around.

"Bruce!"

Alfred put his hand on Batman's forearm, causing him to stop. Batman looked at Alfred, shame in his eyes.

"Don't ask me."

"What choice do I have? You've brought him here again with no care as to how this could affect all others around you!"

Batman yanked his arm away.

"I can't let him die!" He yelled.

Stunned by his response, Alfred nodded and solemnly walked away.

"Alfred...it's something I can't figure out. What's happening to me?"

The humble butler stopped, shook his head, and continued on his way until he was out the door. In a sudden burst of frustration, Batman slammed his hands down roughly on his computer keyboard, causing many of them to pop out of their places and clatter to the floor. He didn't bother picking them up.

The noise however, woke a certain hapless clown. The Joker sat up and looked at Batman with a curious expression. Batman just avoided contact altogether and opted to pick up the pieces of his keyboard.

Neither of them said a thing. Despite the fact that the Joker had just been kicked out rather recently, he was back. And once again he was sitting in the Batcave soaking wet. His mind flashed back to that night at the aquarium. It had been so cold...the ice ridden water biting his skin. It had felt very similar to the way he felt now. Batman sat at the large computer monitor repairing the damage and trying to block out the sounds that the Joker was making.

It wasn't the Joker's fault that his teeth were chattering.

Suddenly a loud fizzle sounded, followed by the clicking off of the computer. The power had gone out, rendering everything in the Batcave generally useless. The Joker mild mannered giggle morphed into a full fledged laugh-fest as he fell back onto the ground, clutching his sides.

Batman grimaced and finally stood from his chair. Unable to see as clearly as he would've liked, he groped along clumsily until his eyes adjusted. Once he could see again, he walked with purpose over to a small oak desk that seemed out of place among the machinery. A candle was sitting on the top with a lighter nearby. Grabbing both, Batman walked over to the Joker's spot on the floor and dropped the lighter in his lap.

"Here," he said, setting the candle down forcefully.

The Joker wiped a tear of laughter from his eye and caught his breath. Batman had just turned away to walk to the most hidden corner in the Batcave. The best place to escape from the Joker.

"Come now, it's not that bad is it?" The Joker asked.

Batman turned his head to the side, barely acknowledging the question. He did, however, stop walking away.

"Batsy, dear. Whatever it is that I did to offend you, I'm genuinely sorry!"

The slight edge of humor in his voice was what convinced Batman that sticking around to hear him wasn't worth it. Turning his head back, he looked at the furthest wall in front of him. He heard the lighter clicking on, then off again.

"If you absolutely didn't have to be here, you wouldn't be," Batman said in a barely audible whisper.

The Joker giggled and Batman turned around. He was sitting cross-legged like a child, bathed in the orange, wavering light of the candle. The flame swayed as he rocked back and forth gently, almost like he had something pressing on his mind.

"You said that last time. I always end up back with you though, do I not? If you really didn't want me back, we would both know. And I have no real reason to be here!"

Batman didn't know how to respond. He hated it when he was wrong and clearly he was.

"But, ya know I have a question of my own. Why did you never call?" The Joker grinned.

A simple lapse in judgement; one moment of weakness on Batman's part lead to all of this. Sleeping with the clown that was now rocking back and forth on his floor seemed utterly ridiculous. But it had also seemed like the right thing to do at the time. You know what they say: 'If you give a mouse a cookie, he'll want a glass of milk to go with it'. Unfortunately, he'd given the proverbial mouse the entire jar, and now he wanted more than Batman could give.

Needless to say, Batman didn't dignify the Joker's question with a reply.

"I thought what we had was special!" He cried, in mock sadness.

He hummed to himself while he stared at the mesmerizing candle. Batman shook his head and walked towards the Joker. He paused a few feet from the candle, making the Joker look up.

"Yes?"

"What is your intention here?"

"You're the only one I ever believed in."

Shock only paused him for a moment.

"What?"

"You're consistent. I'm all over the place! I never settle down for more than a minute, don't think I could handle it!" The Joker said, smiling.

Batman said nothing.

"Point is, I'd be dead without you. I'm so glad you exceeded my expectations," the Joker looked up to gauge Batman's reaction.

"Expectations?"

"It was a test. Now I couldn't live my entire life thinking that you were something you weren't could I? I knew you'd save anyone, no matter who they were. Haha oh Batsy! You could never let me die, I control this dance! And if I wasn't completely in love with you...," The Joker grinned and stood, leaning in close to Batman to whisper in his ear.

"...I would kill you."

* * *

_Ah feels great to get this on here. Reviews are appreciated. And don't worry Harley will be back I swear! Thanks in advance!_


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